Superman complains of "totally gay" costume and trades it in for one-piece jumper, initially thought to help his mobility but which turns out to be just as gay. Superman eventually realizes this, only now it's too late to change back, since chaging the first time was such a big to-do, so he just grumps around and puts up with the jumper, which really rides up when he flies. (8%)
In a stunning personnel change, Lex Luthor hires Ned Beatty as his sidekick. (3%)
While having sex with Superman, Lois Lane dies in what could pretty accurately be called a fairly gruesome manner, a twist that both vindicates and saddens legions of Kevin Smith fans. (64%)
Superman's powers, most notably his ability to fly, are revealed to be the result of a high midichlorian count in his bloodstream. (0.4%)
In a nod to the religion of his creators, Joe Shuster and Jerry Siegel, Superman decides to get "all Jewed up" and become a hero mainly for the Orthodox residents of Metropolis. The story of how Superman flew all the Jews out of Israel becomes incorporated into the Torah. (27%)
In a dark but admittedly realistic turn of events, Superman uses his ability to travel through time to place bets on future sporting events and amass most of the country's wealth. After Superman bloodily murders the first few people who tell him this is just a blatant ripoff of Back to the Future: Part II, the people of Metropolis just give up and go with the flow. (18%)
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Los Angeles, California I'm a twentysomething white male with ambitions to be a professional film critic and generally spend my days getting paid to watch movies and write about it. I try not to think too hard about how I want to build my life around talking about other people's creations and not mine. A compulsive reader and stubborn cineaste, I take an often contrary stance to my more fundamentalist peers and upbringing by celebrating the pursuit of the good, and the Good, in life, love, art and film. If you watched enough episodes of a few TV shows ("The Hungry and the Hunted," "The Cut Man Cometh," "The Body," "Waiting in the Wings," "Out of Gas," "April is the Cruelest Month," "20 Hours in America," "Colonial Day" for starters), you would understand me completely, and you'd also realize that much of my worldview and philosophical insights are heavily influenced by fictional works/programs, and many of the good things I've said in my life are just a regurgitation of someone else's imaginings. I guess I was made to be a film critic. This Month
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« June 26
Tuesday, June 27
Possible Plot Lines For Superman Returns And Their Actual Chances Of Being In The Film
by
Dan Carlson
on Tue 27 Jun 2006 11:13 AM PDT
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Remembering speechlessly we seek the great forgotten language, the lost lane-end into heaven, a stone, a leaf, an unfound door. Where? When?
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