Michael Douglas, everyone's favorite Action Grandpa, back on the big screen:

Clickety-click.

There's more info here, but basically, you should know that more than a few of these apply to me. ButterKrust, Mi Tierra, using the exit ramp to gain speed, the whole nine. All the list needs is a reference to El Raton.

Just a reminder to Keep San Antonio Lame. If you don't like it, lump it.

You Know You're From San Antonio When:

You lost your virginity at Mission Drive-In.
You know exactly how to get to the Ghost Tracks from anywhere in town. [true]
You think pro-choice means flour or corn tortillas.
You've never been to the Alamo.
You think a health drink is a margarita without salt.
You think being able to read the Taco Cabana menu makes you bilingual.
You used to live in a neighborhood you wouldn't even drive through now.
There has been a road crew on your street since before the Alamodome was built.
You remember when Crossroads Mall used to be called Wonderland.
You've been to Midget Mansion and the Fat Farm.
You know all about the Dancing Diablo and the Donkey Lady bridge.
You know that Wheatley and Brackenridge is the same school.
You remember the Captain Gus show.
Your subwoofer has twice the value of your car.
You have three rodeo outfits but never have been on a horse.
You are an expert with the brake pedal, but you have no idea what a blinker is.
Your idea of culture is wearing a Hard Rock T-shirt.
You think the last supper was at Mi Tierra.
You do your grocery shopping at a flea market.
You think local politicians are crooks, but you still do not vote.
You care if San Antonio is in the national spotlight.
A formal occasion is getting a glass with your longneck.
You believe tacos, barbecue, tequila, and beer are the four basic food groups.
You think wearing bows in your hair will get you a husband.
Your white mother learned how to make tamales & menudo from your neighbors.
You know the real definition of Fiesta is 'stay home if at all possible.'
You have ordered Mexican food at a Chinese restaurant.
You had breakfast tacos at Taco Cabana on Christmas morning.
You remember the Joske's Christmas display.
You remember when JC Penney's had a restaurant.
You remember hamburgers from Whopper Burger.
Your elementary school field trip was to the ButterKrust Bakery.
You complain about how cold it is when the temperature dips below 70.
Your cholesterol is over 300.
You had a birthday party at Kiddie Park.
You have had nightmares about the giant cowboy boots in front of North Star Mall.
You own an album by, have seen or are even aware of any of the following bands: 'Moxy', 'Legs Diamond', 'Trapeze', 'Garfield' and especially 'Ozz Knozz' or 'Heyoka.'
You know what people are talking about when they refer to the 'hey-she-b.'
Your idea of a tropical vacation getaway is Port Aransas.
You get defensive when your friends from Austin talk about the great show they saw last night.
You party with your cousin more than twice a week.
You call any convenience store 'icehouse.'
You have only seen snow once in your life and it was twenty years ago.
You think a flash-flood warning means 'go drive through a low water crossing.'
You think the exit ramp is your own personal lauch pad.
You get annoyed when tourists ask for 'fa-jite-as.'
You couldn't care less about the Rodeo but never miss the Cowboy Breakfast.
You know the location of both the Hanging Tree and the Hollow Tree.
You don't have to look at the menu when you order at Bill Miller.
You have never, ever called this city 'San Antone.'