Dear Overstock.com Woman,

I already wrote you once, but you didn't respond. I've decided to keep going, however; after all, I sent several letters packed with good advice to the president, who pretty much ignored them, but I don't regret writing them.

So…

Do you like … stuff?

I have DVDs and stuff. Do you want to come over and watch a movie? No pressure, though.

I found online that your name is Sabine. This, I have to say, is awesome. Just … awesome.

So, give me a call or something. You know, if you want, or whatever.

Sincerely,

Daniel Carlson

P.S. Could you wear pigtails when you come over? Is it wrong to ask that? Sorry. It's just, well, it'd be cool if you did. Again, no pressure.

P.P.S. Also, is it okay if I invite some friends over to take photos/videos to prove that you came over? Thanks.