• Teach the other housemates fake vocabulary, like "frambly" and "turnwillish." Enjoy newfound power.
• Attempt to explain to the housemates that having sex anywhere in Denver would automatically put you in the Mile-High Club. Eventually give up.
• Make the producers immediately regret installing giant clear glass doors in the shower.
• Pretend to be mildly retarded to earn sympathy from the housemates. Walk around naked. Hump the leg of the trashy-looking girl. (I realize that's all of them, but go with me.) Eventually admit that it was all an act. Make up further story about abuse to justify my behavior. Become hero of the house.
• Speak only in dialogue from Diner.
• Ask the two black residents of the house if they know my friend Ray Ray, who's in the joint on some b.s. B&E charge. Just to see what happens.
• Soil myself during the confessional interviews.
• Kill everyone in the house.
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Los Angeles, California I'm a twentysomething white male with ambitions to be a professional film critic and generally spend my days getting paid to watch movies and write about it. I try not to think too hard about how I want to build my life around talking about other people's creations and not mine. A compulsive reader and stubborn cineaste, I take an often contrary stance to my more fundamentalist peers and upbringing by celebrating the pursuit of the good, and the Good, in life, love, art and film. If you watched enough episodes of a few TV shows ("The Hungry and the Hunted," "The Cut Man Cometh," "The Body," "Waiting in the Wings," "Out of Gas," "April is the Cruelest Month," "20 Hours in America," "Colonial Day" for starters), you would understand me completely, and you'd also realize that much of my worldview and philosophical insights are heavily influenced by fictional works/programs, and many of the good things I've said in my life are just a regurgitation of someone else's imaginings. I guess I was made to be a film critic. This Month
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Things I Would Do If I Were On "The Real World"
Comments
Re: Things I Would Do If I Were On "The Real World"
by
Kevin Longrie
on Mon 04 Dec 2006 01:04 AM PST | Permanent Link
Stop waiting to express your inner thoughts during the confessional interviews and show your extreme distaste for other house mates by simply addressing the camera while they're in the room.
Cannonball into a full hot tub. Kick in a sliding glass door (see: Punch-Drunk Love) Re: Things I Would Do If I Were On "The Real World"
by
Miranda
on Mon 04 Dec 2006 12:47 PM PST | Permanent Link
This made me giggle.
Re: Things I Would Do If I Were On "The Real World"
by
Darek
on Mon 04 Dec 2006 05:22 PM PST | Permanent Link
I started developing the same list back when I was in high school. Here are a few highlights (along with some new ones)...
1. Change all of the locks while everyone is out. 2. Sell everyone's possessions for pot. 3. Wear a leotard with flames painted down the sides at all times. 4. Constantly threaten people with, "If D&D were real and I had my level 17 Flaming Axe of Mount Zaneus..." 5. Invite homeless people over to use the hottub. Re: Things I Would Do If I Were On "The Real World"
by
Anonymous
on Wed 06 Dec 2006 05:51 AM PST | Permanent Link
pass as male for the first meetings with everyone, then reveal that i'm female bodied during the first hottub.
give a different name to each housemate, and not respond if they used the name i'd given to someone else. |
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Remembering speechlessly we seek the great forgotten language, the lost lane-end into heaven, a stone, a leaf, an unfound door. Where? When?
O lost, and by the wind grieved, ghost, come back again. — Look Homeward, Angel, Thomas Wolfe Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives. — John Stuart Mill We are all under the same mental calamity; we have all forgotten our names. We have all forgotten what we really are. All that we call common sense and rationality and practicality and positivism only means that for certain dead levels of our life we forget that we have forgotten. All that we call spirit and art and ecstasy only means that for one awful instant we remember that we forget. — G.K. Chesterton We were, for the briefest of moments, something greater than the sum of our uncertain parts; we were youth itself, in all its painful glory and sharp joy. — August Van Zorn There is a time in the lives of most writers when they are vulnerable, when the vivid dreams and ambitions of childhood seem to pale in the harsh sunlight of what we call the real world. In short, there's a time when things can go either way. — Stephen King Los Angeles, give me some of you! Los Angeles come to me the way I came to you, my feet over your streets, you pretty town I loved you so much, you sad flower in the sand, you pretty town. — Ask the Dust, John Fante |
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